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Anyone relate? Didn’t think so

Humans are united by common bonds. We might be tempted or maybe better put inclined to focus on differences, but we are all united in the human condition and we share more common experiences than we might realize (or even want to admit).

I’ve written about these scenarios in the past, but my list wasn’t complete. Perhaps no list would ever be complete. Our lives are comprised of what we do, what we don’t do and what we will admit to doing (or not). This list is about the “or nots”:

Ever think it sounds like a good idea to watch a late night movie, but then fall asleep before the plot thickens? Me neither.

On the same night you decide to watch that late night movie, do you pile up three or four pillows so you can lounge comfortably in bed, thinking you’ll remove them before going to sleep and then wake up at 3 a.m. with a crick in your neck because you have been sleeping on four pillows for the last five hours? Me neither.

Ever see a large group photo from one of your friends on Facebook and try not to look at the name of the person who posted, but instead scan the crowd to see if you can recognize anyone and then realize you don’t? Me neither.

Ever watch a cute animal video online about a nice person who took in an abandoned wild hedgehog, parrot, squirrel, goose, deer, bear, duck or raccoon and think maybe having a wild animal for a pet might be a good idea? Me neither.

Ever wake up in the morning and think, “We should make a really good supper tonight,” and then at noon think, “I wonder what our great supper should be tonight?” and then at 2 p.m. think, “I’m not sure I have the ingredients for the supper I was thinking about,” and then at 4 p.m. think “It’s getting too late to plan for supper, much less make it,” and then at 6 p.m. when your spouse suggests ordering pizza shout a silent hooray? Me neither.

Ever plan to carpool with someone and then make an excuse to get them to drive because the interior of your car is filled with empty water bottles, miscellaneous wrappers, tennis balls, sandy floor mats and two large bags of brown mulch left over from last spring? Me neither.

Ever think about responding negatively to a political post on social media late at night but then refrain because smart people just don’t go there, and then, the next morning, regret your decision and restraint? Me neither.

Ever trip and fall in public in front of too many people and then just jump right up and keep walking and pretend it never happened? Me neither.

Ever get just a little bit tired of trying to think up new and creative ways to say “Happy Birthday” on Facebook? Me neither.

Ever watch one of those annoying infomercials and after about seven minutes into it consider ordering the anti-aging facial cream, car scrubbing system, super juicer, magic pan, exercise video or personalized pillow because you are convinced you cannot go one more day without this miraculous product? Me neither.

Life is full of messy moments and times we’d like to pretend never happened. But we know in our hearts they make us happier and better people. Agreed? Me neither.

Jill Pertler is an award-winning syndicated columnist, published playwright, author and member of the National Society of Newspaper Columnists. Don’t miss a slice; follow the Slices of Life page on Facebook.

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