Haynes family honored for years of foster care
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ARLEE — Twelve years ago if you would had asked Roberta and T.J. Haynes if they would ever consider becoming foster parents, they might have answered no.
But when a little boy who suddenly lost both his parents needed a home, they made a decision that has forever shaped their lives.
Today that 5-year-old boy is a young man, and Roberta counts his high school graduation day as one of her most cherished memories.
It is just one memorable experience out of the countless for the mother and father of 12 children, most of whom entered the Haynes’ lives as foster children and remain as their adopted children.
Life today is not what the Haynes predicted. T.J. works nights as a Tribal police officer and Roberta works during the day. While attending the 37th Annual Head Start Powwow in Ronan, the two were pulled in different directions as Roberta accompanied some of their children during grand entry, and T.J. sat in the stands with the others. Even taking time out to travel to Helena to accept an award for foster care the couple received meant T.J. stayed with the kids while Roberta attended. But the Haynes would not have it any other way.
“It’s been for the good. I enjoy it everyday,” T.J. shared. “I wouldn’t trade it for anything.”
At the annual Prevent Child Abuse and Neglect conference in Helena April 17-19, the Montana Department of Public Health and Human Services honored the Haynes and another family from Deer Lodge with the Resource Parents of the Year award. This award goes to foster and adoptive parent(s) who are committed to excellence in working with birth parents and foster/adoptive children.
“Today we honor those who have worked so hard to prevent child abuse and neglect,” DPHHS Director Anna Whiting Sorrell said at the award ceremony. “I am so proud of all the extra effort put forth by these outstanding individuals. These people have really stepped up to the plate to help children.”
“We were shocked,” Roberta said of her response to learning she and T.J. received an award from DPHHS. “We’re just doing what we were meant to do. It’s not anything special; they are just our kids and we love them.”
But even though there was never a time the Haynes questioned bringing children into their home, they did have second thoughts about the effects fostering kids had on them.
T.J. said there were times when a child would stay for two or three years and then suddenly be removed from their lives.
“You are already attached by love,” he explained. “But you think maybe those three years made a difference.”
“That is heartbreaking,” Roberta said, explaining that despite these emotions, reuniting kids with their birth parents is always the top priority. “You really want to see these kids go home; you want to see reunification with their parents.”
Roberta and T.J. recommend that anyone interested in becoming a foster parent do thorough research.
”(You will be) dealing with a lot of circumstances like parents not showing up for visits or kids struggling in school … It is hard to take care of people’s kids, and sometimes they come with baggage. But you have to remember they are just kids,” Roberta said. “There is a huge need (for foster parents). It’s a responsibility as a community and a human to take care of these children.”
She emphasized the need for Native American families to become foster parents to ensure tribal children stay in their communities.
“There is such a shortage of families,” Roberta stressed.
She noted that T.J.’s parents and the Arlee community has been very supportive over the years.
“I would love to see more foster parents,” T.J. said. “If it was up to me, I’d take (all the foster kids).”
