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Challenge issued in water war

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Editor,

It is that time of year again when the Big Arm community comes together to host a Family Fun Day for all local communities. July 14 between 11 a.m. and 3 p.m., the Big Arm school will be the site of the day’s activities to be enjoyed by attendees of all ages. The day’s event is a fundraiser with all proceeds going towards the restoration of the old Big Arm school house that was built in 1913. For you history buffs, the school is full of old photos of its early days and the surrounding area.

The day’s events will consist of a sumptuous beef barbecue prepared by our world famous chefs flown in from Texas, live music with returning artists, raffles, games for children and the world-famous water wars.

As for the water wars, stream machine water cannons will be used in a confined battlefield on the plains of Big Arm, just as in the past. This is the same site where Polson’s combatants started crying when they knew they lost last year’s war to the Big Arm juggernaut. Some Big Arm warriors suggested we should challenge the city of Chicago for this year’s water war, but I have been told the ragtag Polson army thinks it can put in a good showing this year and maybe win the highly coveted walnut-based silver trophy that will be filled once again with jellybeans. To the victor go the jellybean spoils.

Here is some unsolicited advice for anyone that wants to go up against the Big Arm water warriors: practice holding your breath for 15 minutes, because if you cannot, you might drown from the deluge of water in your face, compliments of our warriors. That means you, Gatlin; hey, maybe you can buy a thousand snorkels for your combatants so you won’t have to gasp for breath like a fish out of water? One thing I know for sure is that Big Arm remembers the sweet taste of victory from last year, and we expect to be eating the victor jellybeans again this year.

Everyone come and join us for a fun-filled day.

Paulus Maurerus,
Dictator of Big Arm
(Paul Maurer, Big Arm)

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