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15 things only people with seasonal outdoor allergies will understand

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You know those list-format articles your friends share on Facebook that are, in no way whatsoever, actual news?

Things like “10 cartoon characters only 90s kids remember,” or “Seven signs your significant other is secretly an ax-murderer.”

Well, even though they are not news and contain very little useful information, they lend a little lightheartedness to the day … and with all the problems in our world, I think we could all use a few chuckle-giggle-snorts, don’t you?

So, since this summer has been one of the worst I’ve ever experienced as far as seasonal allergies are concerned, here is my list of 15 things that only people with seasonal outdoor allergies will understand.

I am sure at least a few of you know my pain.

1) You feel a strange kinship with Walter White every spring when you have to show your ID at the pharmacy counter to buy real Sudafed.

2) You’ve often wondered if you are on a local drug task force’s watch list based on the volume and frequency with which you purchase Sudafed.

3) For everyone else you know, the first frost is a sad day because it signals the end of summer. For you, it means you will soon smell again for the first time in months.

4) You pay an extra three dollars per box of tissue to get the lotion-infused variety … and you are happy to do so.

5) You can easily imagine what it would be like for your head to explode thanks to that one time your nose was swollen shut but decided it was time to sneeze anyway.

6) From March 10th to November 1st of every year, you are a mouth breather.

7) Your dentist knows you have allergies because your gums are in such bad shape. Apparently gums are supposed to stay wet and cannot do so when you’re mouth breathing for 7 months out of the year. Who knew?

8) Your friends call you, “faucet-face.”

9) You have never, and will never, “take time to stop and smell the roses.”

10) You know that saline nasal spray is cleverly-marketed salt water … nothing more.

11) You have brought a really great party to a dead stop by sneezing more than 40 times in under a minute.

12) Partygoers asked if they should call 911, and you couldn’t stop sneezing long enough to tell them “I’m fine, this is normal for me,” so an ambulance showed up 10 minutes later.

13) You have given serious consideration to cutting off your nose … or at least cauterizing it.

14) On more than one occasion you have had to say, “No, officer, I am not stoned … my eyes are red, watery and swollen because I have allergies.”

15) You were telling the truth, and the cop didn’t believe you.

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