Making 'em like they used to
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RONAN — Mom, if you’re reading this, stop now. I mean it.
I know you love your son, and believe me, he loves you back, but you need to put the paper down. If you do not, you will ruin your birthday present. Seriously, mom, I’m not joking.
Spoiler alert; detour; read no further; abort mission; cease and desist; final warning.
Pst. Hey, is she gone? Yea? Are you sure? Good. Now that she’s not reading, I have something truly amazing to share with you. She can’t know about it because it’s her birthday present, and I’ve never been very good at keeping secrets. The more excited I am about the secret, the harder it is to keep my trap shut.
Before I tell you the secret, I have to give a little background about my mom and I.
She’s a sixth grade social studies teacher and she absolutely loves history. I vividly remember one of my bedtime stories about why Napoleon failed in his conquest for world domination. (Hint: It wasn’t because he was a cheese-eating surrender monkey from France. It was because he invaded Russia in winter.)
The History Channel was always playing in at least one room of our home.
When we were kids, my sisters and I went to more museums and saw more dinosaur bones and historical landmarks than anyone else I’ve met. I went on a guided tour of a cotton plantation in South Carolina, saw several Civil War battlefields and went to the Field Museum in Chicago for SUE’s opening night.
SUE is a 67 million-year-old female Tyrannosaurus Rex. She is the largest, most complete and best-preserved T. Rex in the world. According to the exhibit, “No dinosaur in the world compares to SUE.”
And I was there for opening night. Before I was 10 years old, my mother had given all of these memories, experiences, ideas and wonder to my sisters and I.
Her birthday is on Sept. 9, and every year I rack my brain trying to think of something I can give this woman to show her just how much it all meant to me. I’ve always come up empty.
This brings us to why I’m so over-the-moon excited right now. This year I have something I know she’ll love, and I cannot wait to give it to her.
A few local townships in the valley are replacing and grading massive sections of their water systems. We’re talking miles and miles of water mains, pipes, pumping stations and treatment plants. Here’s where it gets interesting: many of these water mains are more than 100-years-old. Instead of modern materials made of high-tech metals or plastics assembled in a Taiwanese factory with giant machines and laser-accurate efficiency, these water mains are made of 100-year-old wood.
And they are amazing.
The material was cut into curved slats and handcrafted with tongue-and-groove slits cut lengthwise along the timbers. These were secured together with steel straps, cables or wire, coated in tar and buried several feet underground. Pipe connections were sealed with resin-soaked burlap strips and leveled with river rocks and sand. It is worth noting that these pipes are actually an upgraded system. The original idea involved drilling or burning holes through straight tree trunks and laying them end-to-end.
When pipes froze in winter, workers would have to dig through the snow and several feet of frozen ground to expose the pipe. Leaving only a few inches of soil atop the wooden main, they built a fire in the hole and simply waited for the heat to thaw their water supply.
Rural areas had little to no access to firefighting equipment. In the event of a fire, friends and neighbors would dig down to the water main and drill a hole through it. This would create a miniature pond where bucket brigade members refilled their pails. When the fire was out, they patched the wood and filled in the hole.
Ancient wooden pipes are still found throughout the world. In 2004, archeologists working at the Vindolanda Roman fort in Northumberland, England stumbled upon a 2000 year-old, 100-foot long water pipe. By all accounts, it was still functioning. A 400-mile network of elm tree log pipe in London was removed in 1930. It was buried in 1613 and was still in working condition when removed. Throughout the years, wooden pipe has been used for waterlines, sewer pipes, irrigation, electrical conduit and, in some cases, natural gas. Philadelphia, New York City, Boston, and Detroit still occasionally find a section here and there.
I could go on for hours about this stuff, but I’m sure I’ve already bored a few of you to tears.
So, why does this matter?
I am currently in possession of a 2-foot long, 6-inch wide section of century-old hardwood water main. It was a functioning and vital portion of Charlo’s original water system and, in my opinion, is a work of art.
The craftsmanship and condition of the wood is incredible; I’ve never seen anything like it. Keep in mind, these pipes were built long before the days of power tools. When I say handcrafted, I do mean handcrafted. After 100 years buried underground and filled with pressurized water, every section of this pipe fits together perfectly. I cannot find a single crack or portion of rotten wood. Once I’d sanded off the residual tar, it was absolutely pristine.
I have a profound respect for anyone with the ability to build something of that caliber. They’re long gone, whoever they were, but what they made with their own two hands carried on for decades after they left this earth. The fruits of their labor had a positive impact on thousands of people’s lives on a daily basis.
While many will view it as just an old piece of wood, people like my mother and I see it as much, much more.
It is a piece of history, a reminder that your hard work carries on long after you’re gone, and quite possibly the coolest coffee table conversation starter my family will ever own.
It has been sanded, sealed and is currently drying in my garage as I write this. With any luck, she’ll have it within the week.
I love you, momma moose. Happy birthday.
