Caregivers class stresses self-care
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POLSON — Sometimes a caregiver feels like he or she is on an island, and not a particularly fun one; an isolated place where lack of sleep and no time for friends or a walk in the sunshine can seem like the rescue boat is sailing over the horizon.
Coming to their rescue is the Powerful Tools for Caregivers class, offered through the Montana State University Extension service. Jane Morton, Area V Agency on Aging, teaches the six-week class. Nori Pearce, an MSU Extension agent, is kind enough to help out, Morton said.
Morton cared for her father who had “old age problems” before he passed away. Pearce’s mother had a massive stroke and her father has Alzheimer’s disease. The two women have seen the movie, so to speak.
Caregivers in the class include a daughter helping her mother care for an elderly father; a husband caring for his wife who has early stages of Alzheimer’s disease; a woman looking after her father, very able-bodied man who deals with memory loss; and a social work student interning with Home Health.
In one of the first exercises, the class members must identify a problem they have as caregivers. Examples are communication, loneliness, balance and boundaries, feeling guilty, “knowing when to bite your tongue and not holler back,” sibling denial or sibling disagreement, and depression.
Heads nod around the room as people agree.
The class stresses the difference between chronic and acute illnesses. For an acute illness, such as pneumonia, people focus all their energy and care on the person for a short time, rearranging their schedules and lives.
“For a chronic illness, people try to do the same thing, and it’s hard,” Morton said. “You can’t rearrange your life forever.”
One message is clear: a caregiver needs to take care of his or her own health.
A short film titled “The Dollmaker” tells the story of Alyce, a vibrant, active and well-dressed woman who was an award-winning dollmaker. Alyce and her husband Ernie travel to doll shows, and their house is a hive of activity with friends and clients coming and going and tables piled high with fabric and partially finished dolls. Then Ernie is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.
Alyce refuses help from her friends, even her daughter, as she struggles to care for Ernie. She quits making dolls, asks friends not to visit and tries to care for Ernie as he becomes sicker and sicker. Then one day, Alyce dies.
“I see Alyce everyday,” said the social work student.
The film pounded home the staggering statistic that 40 percent of caregivers die before the person they are caring for passes away.
“It’s not selfish to care about your own health,” Morton said.
About 65.7 million people — roughly 29 percent of the United States adult population — are trying to be caregivers, according to the National Alliance for Caregivers website. Many are still working and raising families.
Morton said the class attendees tend to be spouses caring for a wife or husband, kids looking after their parents and occasionally parents caring for children with a disability.
The ideal time for this class is when a caregiver is starting into a chronic illness with his or her loved once, according to Morton, but someone in the midst of caregiving can also learn a lot and meet other folks going through the same maze.
Other classes in the series deal with emotions and communication, especially tough conversations.
Classes always end with an action plan. Class members plot out a time in their week when they can do something just for themselves. They have to decide
on a scale of one to 10, with 10 the highest, how likely it is they can reach their goal.
The action plan has to be a reachable goal with a specific behavior, such walking for a half hour,sitting in the sun, attending an exercise class, having coffee or lunch with a friend, or reading.
“It’s not selfish,” Pearce said. “It’s important to do something for ourselves.”
A group of caregivers who attended a previous Powerful Tools for Caregivers class decided to continue meeting on a monthly basis to support each other.
Newcomers are welcome to join them as they meet every second Wednesday at 1:30 p.m. at the Presbyterian Church on Fourth Avenue in Polson.
The Area VI Agency on Aging is able to offer the Powerful Tools for Caregivers class twice a year thanks to Providence St. Josephs Medical Center partnering to pay for the advertising.
For more information, contact Morton at (406) 883-7284.
