Slices of Life
A name by any other name
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What’s in a name?
My daughter, who is expecting a baby, is currently considering this question and it’s a deep one for sure. A name can connote so many things. It can remind you of someone you really like - or really don’t like. It can inadvertently rhyme with a swear word. An easy nickname could be associated with something negative.
A name sort of sticks with you and that’s heavy duty stuff.
With great power comes great responsibility.
We learn our name at an early age. We identify with it. In many ways it becomes us and we become it.
I am Jill. You are Steve or Mary, Laura or John.
And, while we may answer to “Hey, you!” Hearing someone speak our name is more powerful and more positive.
It’s like a pat on the back. A mini massage to the psyche.
It’s a scientific fact. One study published in Brain Research showed that hearing your name activated brain regions responsible for thought patterns and behaviors related to identity and personality markers. In other words, hearing your name makes you feel more engaged and a more active part of your environment.
Another study, in Cerebral Cortex, showed that hearing your name makes you automatically perk up - even if you aren’t really paying attention. (Almost like you are a more active participant in your environment.)
I’m not sure we have to complicate it too much. I just think hearing your name spoken out loud by another individual is simply humanizing. It provides a connection - one soul to another. It is recognition. It is me reaching out to you in one of the easiest and most accessible ways possible.
Of course, this isn’t true when someone is yelling at you - and using your middle name at that. That is no massage. It is nails on a chalkboard.
But when you aren’t in trouble and someone takes the time to address you by name? It’s music to your ears.
And there’s an easy way to up the musical score.
Pair a name with a compliment. It’s an effortless way – 100 percent of the time – to brighten someone’s day. But it isn’t always easy.
If you are like me, you can meet someone, hear their name and then within half a second forget that name. And then, if you are like me, you feel bad about forgetting, because what type of person can’t remember a simple name?
It happens to the best of us. It happens to all of us.
When this happens to me, I’ve learned a new and innovative technique. It involves something a little out of the box: honesty.
I admit I don’t remember and then ask the person to repeat their name. “I’m sorry, I forgot. You said your name was?”
It works 100 percent of the time. So far no one has refused to repeat their name.
Now me remembering? Not always 100 percent, but I’ve got a better chance when hearing it for the second time, mostly because I’ve had to confess my initial forgetful blunder.
Then, I have the power to do some good. To bring some humanity into the conversation. To connect.
And at the end of the day, isn’t that what our parents - those who named us in the first place - hoped we would do?
Connect with one another? I’d like to think so. Knowing my parents (they were the best) I know so.
Jill Pertler is an award-winning syndicated columnist, published playwright and author. Don’t miss a slice; follow the Slices of Life page on Facebook.
