Valley Journal
Valley Journal

Heavenly debate

Editor,

Imagine the debate if Jesus ran against Donald Trump in the next GOP primary:

JC: I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.

DT: If somebody hits me, I have to hit them back.

JC: Whosoever shall smite thee on the right cheek, turn to him the other also.

DT: There’s nobody bigger or better at the military than I am.

JC: Those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.

DT: I think I am, actually humble. I’m much more humble than you would understand. I have the greatest temperament. I comprehend very well, better than almost anybody. I have a very good brain. The beauty of me is that I’m very rich.

JC: You lack one thing; go, sell what you own, and give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. A righteous man knows the rights of the poor; a wicked man does not understand such knowledge.

DT: I will do my thing that I do very well. And I figure it is probably, maybe the only way I’m going to get to heaven.

JC: It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God. Unless your righteousness exceeds that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.

DT: Heaven is a real dump.

JC: Whoever does not obey the Son shall see the wrath of God.

DT: Lying Jesus best not make any more threats. They will be met with fire and fury and, frankly, power, the likes of which this world has never seen before. For everybody of religion, this will be, may be, the most important election that our country has ever had. Little Jesus, why can’t we use nuclear weapons?

JC: In everything, do to others what you would have them do to you. I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.

This is, of course, outlandish. A libtard like Jesus would never be welcome in the Trumplican party.

Wanda LaCroix
Arlee

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